things are slowly getting better after what happened between me and rowan two nights ago. i’m back on my medication, he didn’t call the hospital to take me away again, and we’re back to sharing a bed.
but sometimes, things still feel tense or awkward between us. like he’s not quite back up to trusting me. i guess i can’t really blame him. would anyone trust a monster that went insane and slammed them up against a wall and choked them?
… “monster.” that’s what he used to call me. i can still be a monster sometimes.
it’s not up to me to decide when he feels safe around me. i have to try and be patient, and even though i know that, it’s agonizing. i’m following him around even more than usual, trying to do things for him: cook, keep the apartment clean, stay quiet when he’s trying to study, and watching television shows that he likes. being a good boyfriend is kind of hard.
he’s out tonight, he has class and a study group after that. i’m lonely, so if anyone out there reading this is lonely like me, maybe we could be lonely together.